Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
