apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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