bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
