I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
