That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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