I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
