i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
