We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
