Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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