i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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