great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
