the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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