I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm like, not good at living.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
