I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
