Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
