8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
