i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
