Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
