Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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