one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
