It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
