just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
