the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
