there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
