Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
