dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
