Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
