How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
