The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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