In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
