I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
