Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
