I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
