It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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