It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize