i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
