I didn't shave. On purpose
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
