wanna go halves on a baby?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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