wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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