thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
