Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
