I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Shame - the story of my life.
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