he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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