Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
