You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
