I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
