That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
