did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
