I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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