Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
