i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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