Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
